my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
