Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
