guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
