woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
