4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
