dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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