I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
