whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
