If that was your dad, he is hot
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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