Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
