will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
