When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
