please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
