Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
