He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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