It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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