Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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