Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
