I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
