i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
