I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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