I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
