i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So many bounce houses so little time
How's work?
Spinning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
