i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
