What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
