the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
