He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
