I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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