It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ketchup is God's man juice
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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