When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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