just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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