I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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