I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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