Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
