When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
