im six kinds of drunk right now
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
