omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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