Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
