I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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