so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i would one night stand the shit outta him
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
