I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
