Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
