my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
