I will die if light touches me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
