can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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