So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
