Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
