i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
