I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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