he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ketchup is God's man juice
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
