and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
