Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Randomize
