Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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