Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize