At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
