The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
