I think I won the penis lottery.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
