So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
