Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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