You're a womanizer and a bitch.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
