Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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