he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
