i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
