so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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