did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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