dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
