I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.