I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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