Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
