the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Two words: nipple clamps
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