even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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