I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
