I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Hippo gnu deer
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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