that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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