She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
