what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
