I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
